Introduction
Think you don’t know how to teach? Don’t worry about it—it’s easy, anyone can do it! In The Joy of Teaching I will show you how to be the kind of teacher that today’s society revels in. In this edition, I provide three recipes for becoming the teacher you want to be. Whether you’ve been driven to the profession by a passion to teach, or you’re in it because you need a paycheck, I’ve got a recipe that will fit your needs!
The following recipes should be viewed as guidelines, not rules that must be followed to the letter. Teaching is a lot like cooking, you get a result no matter what you throw into the pot! Feel free to take these recipes and make them your own. Remember, teaching is about what works for you. Don’t let someone else’s standards dictate how you teach. You’re the one doing the teaching, so why not do it your way?
SuperTeacher Smoothie
I call this a “smoothie” because making yourself into a SuperTeacher is like making a smoothie. To make a smoothie, you don’t really need a recipe, its better to have a formula that you can tweak to meet your own needs. For a smoothie, you basically need some kind of liquid base, a bunch of fruit, maybe some ice and from there on you add whatever tickles you fancy and blend away! Becoming a SuperTeacher is similar. It’s super easy and it reflects your style.
Ingredients:
1 cup goodness (or a good heart)
1 good head on your shoulders (or common sense)
½ cup of unorthodoxy
1 tablespoon stubbornness
A pinch of experience (optional)
Troubled, Mysterious Past (optional)
First of all, I must say, my favorite part of this recipe is the good heart. Can you ever go wrong with a good heart? I think not. So, to become a SuperTeacher, let your good heart guide you in all that you do. Remember, relationships always trump academics. A SuperTeacher NEVER lets academics get in the way with his/her likability. It’s important for you that your students like you, it will give you a sense purpose and make you feel like you are doing something for someone, or at least like you have friends.
Next, remember that along with a good heart, common sense is what will guide you as you become a SuperTeacher. Sure there are books written on the profession, research has been conducted and there are countless workshops that you can attend that will ‘teach you how to teach,’ but a SuperTeacher like you doesn’t need that, right? When a problem arises, just think to yourself, “what do I think is the best thing to do? “ It’s probably best to go with your gut. The gut of a SuperTeacher can be trusted.
Combine the stubbornness and unothodoxy and stir them against the grain. The difference between a SuperTeacher and other teachers is that they represent information in a new way. What way you ask? Whatever way you think is best! Other teachers may scoff at your stubbornness and unorthodoxy, especially if they are experienced. Ignore them, SuperTeachers never listen to administration, they just don’t. You’re a SuperTeacher, and your students like you. That’s all that matters.
The last two ingredients are completely optional. A pinch of experience adds a lovely touch, but be sure not to go overboard! Part of the reason you’re a SuperTeacher is because your brilliance comes from you, not from someone else’s findings or beliefs! A mysterious past is especially good for SuperTeachers who wish to work with teenagers. Having a mysterious past will make you appear cool, and students learn best from cool teachers.
The Anti-Teacher
Ok, so you want to be teacher—but you don’t really want to be a teacher. No worries! Teaching can be lot like babysitting, and anyone can babysit. The easiest age group to babysit is teenagers, so this recipe is probably best for High School teachers. Teenagers are old enough to take care of their own bathroom needs and best of all, they are old enough to be held accountable for many of their own failures and injuries! This recipes lacks supervision and accountability, so it is definitely suited best for teachers of older students!
3 heaping cups of counter productivity
2 cups of incompetence
2 cups apathy
½ cup control
concern for students, as much as you have on hand
So an Anti-Teacher is just what it sounds like, a teacher who doesn’t teach! Now I’m not saying that you can’t do teacher-like things. Taking attendance is a great way to look like your teaching when administrators are passing by. But you’re main goal is to not teach, not to get caught not teaching, and receive a paycheck each month.
Mix the counter productivity, incompetence and apathy. This is a killer combination for an effective Anti-Teacher. You’re job is to not teach the students, or better yet make it harder for them to learn! If you’re experiencing stress in your personal life, your classroom can be a great tool for relieving your frustrations. Pass them on to your students! Assign ridiculously long papers and frequently give pop quizzes. Life is tough, you can show your students that (although, in a way, this does border on teaching them…).
Take the ½ cup control and give it to the students! The Anti-Teacher always makes a point of letting the students control the classroom.
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, take any concern you may have for your students and get rid of it. If there’s anything that can provoke you to start actually teaching, it’s any type of deep-seated concern or affection for your students. Remember, students are basically strangers to you, so why should you do anything to help them?
The Scary Teacher
Does intimidating others make you feel better about yourself? Do you naturally just hate kids or people in general? Then you’ll love this recipe! The teaching profession is especially good for you because it involves working with minors who have little power against you. When becoming this kind of teacher, you are in a way setting yourself up for being hated by your students. This is fine, but be prepared to answer a lot of questions and shoulder complaints from parents.
3 cups of control
2 cups of unfairness
1 cup of weird/scary quirks
1 cup manipulation
½ favoritism (optional)
The control is the star of this recipe. You want to give the impression of having complete control over your classroom. If you can get your students to believe this, they’ll never cross you. You having all the control will also add to your scary persona. Unfairness and control complement each other very well. You being blatantly unfair will reinforce that fact that you are in control.
This part requires a little dramatic flair. You have control and you run the show unfairly, but that just makes you intimidating and infuriating. Add strange things like wearing a black cape, never cutting your fingernails, or mutter to an invisible animal perched on your shoulder from time to time. This makes you mysterious and a little crazy-looking, and people fear what they don’t know as well as insanity.
Once you’ve got the first ingredients down, manipulation will be a cinch. Really, being a Scary Teacher is all about power, and manipulation is just another way to show that you have the power.
Favoritism is optional, because you may not want to acknowledge or be cordial with any of your students. However, showing special attention to a small group of students can really help you carry out unfairness and manipulation. Plus, it’ll infuriate the rest of your students to no end!
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