Artifact 2: Letter

Dear Ms. Wright,

Before you left you told us that the substitute teachers that would be in our class for the next three days would write you a report on our behavior every day so you would know exactly what we idea and exactly how we acted. Well, I thought that it would be good for me to write you a report on exactly what the substitutes did and exactly how they acted. You see Ms. Wright, you did not have to worry about what we would do while you are gone. Instead you should have been worried about what those substitutes would put us through.

On the first day that you were gone, we walked into the classroom to find that all of the desks had been removed and we were greeted by a woman in a dress that was covered with pictures of pink hearts and flowers who hugged and kissed each one of us as we came in. She instructed us all to sit one of the many beanbags that were spread around the classroom to form a giant circle. She gave us each a cupcake that had our name written on it with icing. She told us that her name was Ms. Fantastic and that she was so excited to see us all that she had been at the school since four in the morning waiting for us and preparing for our arrival.

As we ate our cupcakes, or “brain food,” Ms. Fantastic told us that she would be our substitute for the day and that she was from Hollywood. Ms. Fantastic learned to be a teacher in Hollywood by watching the most inspirational teacher movies and emulating the techniques of the characters. Ms. Fantastic ended her introduction by tell us that she “was sure we will become quick friends and never ever forget each other.”

When the announcements came on Ms. Fantastic made us all cover our ears with our hands until they were over. She told us that good teachers never take orders from administration and that she didn’t want their voices to be heard in her classroom. When Sandra reminded Ms. Fantastic that it wasn’t her classroom Ms. Fantastic said that teachers like her only need a short amount of time to make a huge impact on students so she didn’t need it to be her classroom for very long.

Instead of having Reading Time, we had to go around and share our favorite memories and tell each other nice things about each other. Instead of practicing spelling, we recited what Ms. Fantastic called “inspirational phrases” such as “Seize the Day!” or “If you can dream it you can achieve it!” During Math Time we practiced standing on our heads. When Marco asked “When are we going to learn something?” Ms. Fantastic said that we had been so brainwashed by the system that we didn’t know real learning when we saw it.

At lunchtime, Ms. Fantastic made us unpack all of our lunches and place our food in the middle of the lunch table. She said that today lunch was going to be like a potluck, and that we would all share everything.

By the end of the day we were all exhausted and we hadn’t even learned anything! We asked if she would be back the next day and she told us no, she had to go to another school to touch other lives. Ms. Fantastic went on to tell us that another substitute trained in Hollywood would be coming instead. Ms. Fantastic started crying and told us that she would never forget us and she hugged us again.

The next morning, most of us tried to fake sick. Our parents didn’t buy it. When we walked into the classroom, it was back to normal. We began to think that today might be a better day. We thought about this for a long time. A very long time. By 8:30 the substitute had not shown up yet. Maria poked her head out the door and said no one was coming. We were just about to ask the teacher next door for help when a grizzly looking man walked in, plopped down at the teacher’s desk, lay his head down and began snoozing. We all looked at each other, not sure what to do. He woke up about fifteen minutes later, looked at us and said, “alright, so what do we do here?” Eddie told him we start with attendance. Carla had to help him find the attendance sheet. Sidney told him where a pen was. Twenty minutes later we were done with attendance.

I asked him if he went to the same teaching school as Ms. Fantastic, he said yes. We asked why he was so different than Ms. Fantastic and he told us it was because he specialized in a different type of teaching that he had learned from a different set of teacher movies. He told us that he believed that children learn best when they are forced to learn on their own. So he left us alone.

I asked him what we should call him and he told us to call him ‘whatever.’ So we called him Mr. Whatever. Mr. Whatever told us to do anything we liked but to not be noisy. Some of us read, some of played cards. Mr. Whatever lost his lunch to Susan in poker.

It was a pretty fun day but it made me feel worried that I would forget what we started learning in math and that we would get behind the other classes. Half an hour before the bell rang Mr. Whatever told us he had to leave early to meet some friends. He told us to keep it down and goodbye.

The last day that you were gone was the worst. When we came in the desks were all pulled apart and arranged in rows instead of groups. A woman with long nails dressed all in black sat at the teacher’s desk. We walked in quietly and sat down. She didn’t look up until someone giggled. She walked over to the giggler until her face was only inches away. After a few minutes of this she walked to the chalkboard and scraped the words “Read a book” onto the board. We all took out a book and read. The whole day. We were too scared to tell her that we were missing P.E and Recess.

As soon as the bell rang we all ran out of the classroom. Behind us we could hear her cackling.

Mrs. Wright, we are all very glad that you did not go to the Hollywood teacher school. If you did you might be crazy, or scary, or boring. And we wouldn’t learn anything. So please come back Mrs. Wright, and next time you go, make sure not to choose a substitute from Hollywood.

Yours Truly,

Mary